For me, it’s all or nothing. I don’t do anything halfway, and I tend to be a bit extreme. My life has been like a pendulum swinging between obsessive control and reckless abandon.
These extremes manifest themselves in relation to food. I struggle with binge eating—downing six brownies, a pint of ice cream, a bag of Doritos, two bagels with cream cheese, and leftover pizza at one meal. Even when I feel sick, I continue to eat. I also battle anorexia—paying attention to every bite and calorie, scheduling the exact time I will eat every meal and having an anxiety attack if I cave and eat two minutes earlier than planned. I am amazed that the two can exist in one person. I am either in complete control or completely wild.
Recently, I realized that I don’t need self-control. I’ve had that, and it was totally unhealthy. What I need is God-control. God calls each one of us into the center of God’s love. There I have found the center of the pendulum, a delicate balance between being obsessed with control and being totally undisciplined. I have also learned that God will help us conquer any area of our life that is out of control, as long as we remain centered in God.
FIND THE CENTER: With humility, remember that apart from God, you can do nothing (John 15:5). In confidence, trust that you can do all things through the One who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13). Everything with; nothing without—that’s the balance.